The Gilded Age Recap: Broke People Should Never Laugh
RIP Pastor Luke, you were a real one.
We all know what getting Eiffel Towered is, but what about getting Brooklyn Bridged? Perhaps that’s when you lay down over two gloriously upholstered ottomans after Christine Baranski and Cynthia Nixon share an emotionally charged scene that makes you feel faint.
Last night the penultimate episode of The Gilded Age season two aired, bringing several plot lines to a head. The nice priest died! Oscar got scammed! The Brooklyn Bridge is open for business, unaware that 150ish years later I will sit in the backseat of a Toyota Camry while crossing it looking at photos of someone’s ballsack.
I must say that I called Oscar’s potential beard Maud Beaton being a scammer from the jump, and I have receipts buried in a voice note on my phone somewhere. That girl was far too eager to be a ye olde fagge hagge and the math was simply not mathing with those investments. I didn’t realize that Oscar wasn’t merely gambling away his own money, but his mother’s fortune as well! How will Christine Baranski continue to buy clip-on bangs and support local clock artisans? To quote Nicki Minaj, broke people should never laugh! It makes sense that someone would need to experience an intense reversal of fortune on this show, and the trope of a well-bred society family with dry coffers is very well established. But, this being The Gilded Age, the problem will probably be solved offscreen and everyone will chuckle about it over tea.
Mr. Russell doesn’t want anyone to think he actually pulled a Grinch and grew his heart three sizes, so he informs his Treasure Island Media lackey that he only gave the union a temporary raise to further ignite divisions between them and the trade workers. But the other robber barons are not having it. This is the show’s most boring plotline, so I mostly don’t care!
Peggy is helping to get the word out about the troubles facing Black schools and, thanks to some kind of 19th-century Ted Talk, manages to convince a bunch of Irish teachers and students to join the school. Audra McDonald (yes it’s annoying to use a mix of actors' names and character names, but I am certainly not opening The Gilded Age Wikipedia page…again) sees right through her daughter and guesses at the chemistry between the plucky reporter and her editor, hoping to subvert their desire by introducing Peggy to a handsome young man at their Brooklyn Bridge party. But honestly, romance seems to be very low on the list of Peggy’s priorities. Diva UP!
Speaking of the Brooklyn Bridge, it’s open! The Russell twink even made sure that Mrs. Roebling got the credit she deserved…kind of. It was nice to see everyone watching the fireworks in awe because these people are still probably shook over indoor plumbing, but it wasn’t nearly as gaggy as Edison turning the lights on last season — that brought me to tears!
Mrs. Astor thinks she’s played her trump card when a box magically opens at the Academy, assuming she’s finally given Bertha what she wanted the whole time. But Bertha started a war by backing the Met, and she’s not going to lay her musket down now. She rejects Mrs. Astor’s offer at a charity meeting, causing a huge scene that ends with Mrs. Astor fleeing, injecting two extra consonants and three extra vowels into every word she says.
But the true drama of this episode is Ada’s new husband dying, hilariously like…five cumulative scenes after he first complained his back hurt. I did genuinely tear up when Agnes offered to sit with him while Ada slept and assured him she’d care for her sister once he was gone. What happens now? Does Ada move back in with Agnes? Or, now that Oscar has lost her money, will Agnes have to rely upon Ada’s charity? I’m assuming her husband left her something besides whatever kinky vintage sex toys they picked up in Niagra Falls.
Next week is the finale, and I truly don’t know what my life is going to be when this season ends. Will I have to…talk to people? About something other than The Gilded Age. Someone fetch my smelling salts!
I was just yelling at my tv that the Reverend Forte literally went from giving sermons to falling over in the living room in like, 2 days! Come on!
Thank you for your hilarious recap. It had me cackling and nodding along the whole time. Can’t wait for next week!
This is The Gilded Age! Being a stan does not require knowing every character’s name. If you aren’t doing some variation of calling the Russell’s head butler Betty Gilpin’s dad, Audra McDonald’s character Audra McDonald, the Van Rhijn niece one of the Gummer gals, and Agnes’ asshole lady’s maid Maureen’s mom, you are not doing it right!